Luna and Harry's big prank and revenge
by crocket
Summary: this not had beta go over it yet. It rough idea of what happen if harry help luna find her mysterious animals. Oh and the medical stuff is correct  shudder  I think it be nice way to teach Hermione she not  know everything Sytherinn 66 gave me some idea
1. Chapter 1

I Don't own Harry Potter nor does my invisible friend but I had this idea and thought it be funny. Hope you like thanks for reading.

**Luna and Harry's big prank and revenge**

Harry Potter was bored Ron was playing Seamus at chess while Hermione was yet again in the library. So Harry went for a wonder and as he looked around for anything that might keep his attention, while the Dementors were outside hunting for Black, it was rather confining to be inside all the time.

He spotted a pretty blonde girl staring of into space.

He smiled and walked up to her "hello what so interesting up there then?" She turned and looked at him he noticed she had the biggest most bluest eyes he had ever seen and he knew he had seen her before but could not remember where. He caught himself staring at her and blushed. "I am looking for nargles or at least their nest" She answered. Harry shrugged he wasn't Hermione, so he had no idea what nargles were. "Want some help, but I am afraid you will need to draw one for me and anything else you want me to help you look for as I have no idea what they are." He shrugged his shoulders "I might be in the magic world now but I was raised muggle." He said as way of explanation. "Unless you have a book I can look at for them." The blonde stared at him for a while then sat down opened her bag and pulled out a quill and some parchment she began drawing and by each weird and fantastic looking creature she wrote its name. When she was finished she passed him the parchment. To his shock he sort of knew what one of them was he was sure.

He got a frown on his face and started to mumble to himself. "I know I have seen this now where was it?" he started to pace back and forth as the blonde watched him. A curious expression on her face. He smiled as he caught himself and looked at her "Oh by the way my names Harry." then he continued his pacing. "Luna," she said as she started to pace along side him. "its like a name you nearly remember that's on the tip of your tongue but can't quite get out." She Looked at him cocked her head to one side and smiled "It's another name for the moon you know Luna." He shook his head and smiled "Sorry I meant this picture not your name, that is by the way so suited to you. I know the moons phases affect the tides and stuff like that and I must say your smile has a definitive affect on me". Luna stopped then got a hold of him then to his astonishment reached up and pulled his tongue out and stared at it.

"Seems like someone else been caught by loony Lovegood" came from several sniggering Ravenclaws.

Harry saw a wince on her face but never said anything he was used to bullies after all he had Tommy boy come after him 3 times now black and then there was Malfoy and his goons well he was a man he could take it but Luna was a girl so she needed to be protected but it was a bit hard to say anything when the person in question was holding your tongue and staring at it. He made a note of who it was and remembered to add them to his personal list. He winked at her but let her carry on. A few moments later she said "all I can see is the word muggle and scope, sorry unless that helps." Harry thought Muggle scope ummm then he smiled it was one them adverts on TV about.

Luna shook herself he seemed nice and he was not making fun of her but she knew it must of looked odd her holding his tongue like that. Yet he hadn't pulled away and he said she had an "Affect on him" she took it as a complement as she hoped that was what it was. She had also grabbed his tongue so he might not notice how much his comment had made her blush.

He stared at her "Luna do you see any and I mean any of these on me?" Luna looked at him and shook her head no you are clean but make sure you don't hang around any mistletoe as they spread from there." Harry smiled "of course they would it is a prime breeding ground for them, well some of them. " Luna looked at him and stared he didn't know it but she was looking at him not he body not the image he showed the world but him. Seemingly satisfied with what she saw she smiled and nodded. "Not many believe you do they? They don't understand so they bully you." He took a deep breath "Luna when is your birthday? As I think I have an idea for a present a sort of prank and a lot of revenge." She looked at him and smiled "Two weeks time yesterday." He nodded "that should give me plenty of time now here is what we shall do. As he pulled her head next to his so he could whisper in her ear he never noticed how red she went. Mind you she never noticed how red he went when he realised how personal this moment seemed.

**Two weeks later**

Harry stood up in the great hall and started to sing happy birthday to Luna no one seemed to want to join in but after 2 years of the stares and whispers he knew enough to say sod it and them. Then when he had finished, he said in a loud clear voice. "Luna, I said I would not go out with you unless you could prove that them things existed." Several girls snickered from several houses as they knew Luna was a none runner from the beginning for dating Harry Potter as far as nearly all the females were concerned. Harry carried on ignoring the sniggers and waiting for the grand finale. "I give you Luna Lovegood, my Birthday present to you." He held out a parcel for her to take it was about 2ft square and wrapped in a shiny silver gold and red wrapping paper tied of with a bow that opened and closed like a red rose. It took a while for me to get some of the charm work done and that but here it is. Some of the more evil ones thought of all the things he could give her so she get the hint that she was mad and not wanted. Draco thought that with all that nice wrapping when he crushed her it would be truly soul destroying and smirked to himself. Pansy who sat next to him might not have liked either Harry or the Lovegood girl but she hoped he was going to give her something nice. She had heard to many "pug-face Parkinson" comments not to hope Luna got something nice. After all if that nut case could get a nice present then their might be hope for her.. Hermione who had, over time had several arguments with Luna over animals that did not exist smiled to herself. This was another chance to show people how clever she was.

Luna stood up and opened the first present she had ever received for her birthday while she was at Hogwarts.

Her daddy gave her his present before she left as he loved to see her smile when she opened it he was unable to do this while she was at school so they had reached this comprimise. He did make her promise not to wear use or what ever you did with is present until her Birthday as it was hers but not until then. She took out what looked like a pair of omunoculars but they were heavy and had a metal plate in the way. She looked at him confused.

Hermione seeing it shouted out " A Microscope what does she need a microscope for.?" Then spent the next several minutes telling everyone what one was how they worked and anything else she felt they needed to know .

It was amazing she never noticed how many people would either plug their ears or in some cases put a silencing cone around themselves once she got started on one of her rants. Harry waited until she finished then " Well Luna this is what is called an electron microscope with a projector built in." He took a breath as he waited for Hermione to start another rant on how that was impossible but it seemed he had stumped her for once as her mouth was hanging open.

"In the muggle world they are a lot bigger but here with the help of light runes magnification runes and a few others you get a top of the range one of a kind Electron Microscope. Now then it seems as you also get yourself a boyfriend as I have found your creatures and why most if not al can't see them. I also have an explanation for why they hide in or around mistletoe."

He smiled "who has a large Nargle infection?" He smiled as Luna Looked around and pointed to Pansy Parkinson and Draco Malfoy "they seem have a really bad infestation." Harry smiled "Pansy could I have one drop of your blood please and you can watch to make sure I don't do anything bad with it. You can have it back when I have finished so you can destroy it." Pansy was going to say no but she saw a look in Harry's eyes that said it might be a good idea to say yes. She had seen the same look every time he had defeated one of Draco plans. So she just nodded got up and walked over "Headmaster can you dim the light a bit in here please?" Harry smiled as the headmasters twinkle was dimmed in his eyes. He nodded and commentated "Of course Harry, be happy to." Any one who knew the Headmaster would be able to say he wasn't really happy to but saw no way to deny this from happening. He was not pleased with the "Luna gets a new boyfriend " Comment earlier as he had plans for Harry and Weasley .

"Here put one drop of your blood onto this glass plate" he held out a small oblong glass slide. Dumbledore was roused from his musings at this comment. He watched as Pansy Pugface Parkinson pricked her finger and squeezed a bit of blood out. Once the one drop of blood was on the slide that he had asked for she quickly sucked her finger and then cast a simple heal charm on it. She watched as he placed another glass slide on top of the first one and her drop of blood and then got her to place it under two metal bars that held it in place on the Micro thingy. She was glad he was letting her handle her own blood the most as she had a healthy fear of illegal blood magic's. He got Luna to hit the light rune and then he looked through the eyepieces until he could see the blood. He smiled "Now Luna can you show everyone the drawings you have done for me showing Wrackspurts and Nargles and all them things."" Luna smiled went into her bag and pulled out several pieces of plain muggle drawing paper each one with a coloured picture of some fantastic looking animal. With its name next to it. "Hermione could tell you that muggles and wizards use different names for the same thing so could Snape with his aconite example he used in my first potions lesson. So I asked Luna for drawings of the things she was watching or looking out for in case I knew them under different names. It makes the most sense after all, I mean as everyone knows some things even have different names depending on what part of Great Britain you come from. So something that was magical could be called anything in the Muggle world.

Hermione was not liking the way this was going as several of the things he said were like small jabs at her. Like how it was simple that she could be calling something one name and that it was known by another one. She hated to admit she had not thought of that or the fact that Harry said it was a simple idea. She also did not like the idea that Harry had made a Electron Microscope using magic showing some Muggle things did not need electricity to work here just innovation and as she shuddered imagination.

"Now then, hold up the Nargle that lives or hangs around the mistletoe." Luna held up the picture and made sure everyone could see it, by swivelling around with the picture facing front. "Now Pansy would you activate the projector rune for me"he pointed to a rune of power he showed her how to activate it with a small surge from her wand, like the one used for making trunks shrink. A large red blob appear behind the headmaster on the wall. "For you Purebloods and those that have little to do with the muggle world think of this as a shadow puppet, the light in this microscope shines and sends it image at the wall and like a shadow puppet it makes it larger than it was originally. Unlike a shadow puppet this is in colour however." Then he mumbled "Now then lets focus this a bit better and " As they watched they saw the red blob become a large red smear.

"Now then we activate the magnifying runes. Think of this like the zoom option on a pair of ominiculars If that helps." He started. They watched as the red blob changed and they saw what was in the red blob of blood. "As you can see the white stuff is water then you have the red blood cells. Now if we make it even bigger we see."

They sat shocked there before them was a nargles well a whole lot of nargles and they seemed to be fighting something. Hermione was shocked. "As you can see Luna is a Ravenclaw and very observant sort of one as well. She is sort of like a microscope herself but better looking and with a much cuter smile. Also instead of being manufactured she was born with this gift. I personally think she was meant to be a healer. she can see the smallest detail in her surroundings and the real you." He smiled as a few looked very shocked and a certain bushy haired person was opening and closing her mouth like some sort of guppy.

"Now I knew when I saw her pictures I had seen them before and could not remember where. As several Ravenclaws will remember Luna tried to help me remember and she did the clues she told me was enough." He looked at the one that had bullied Luna by calling her Loony. "Now as I said she would make a great healer and sadly that means Pansy you would need her help as I have worked out what each of her creatures are called in the muggle world." He held up a muggle looking leaflet read this please Pansy. " Pansy started to read .

"Oral herpes is an infection caused by the herpes simplex virus. The virus causes painful sores on the lips, gums, tongue, roof of the mouth and inside the cheeks. It also can cause symptoms such as fever and muscle aches."

She stopped she had felt them herself and glared at the only boy she had kissed, One Draco Malfoy. She carried on

"The herpes simplex virus only affects humans. Mouth sores most commonly occur in children aged 1-2 years, but they can affect people at any age and any time of the year.

People contract herpes by touching infected saliva, mucous membranes, or skin. Because the virus is highly contagious, most people have been infected by at least one herpes subtype before adulthood.

After you have been infected with the herpes virus, it has a rather unique ability to proceed through three stages:

**Primary infection:** The virus enters your skin or mucous membrane and reproduces. During this stage, oral sores and other symptoms, such as fever, may develop. The virus may not cause any sores and symptoms. You may not even know that you have it. This is called asymptomatic infection. Asymptomatic infections occur twice as often as the disease with symptoms.

**Latency:** From the infected site, the virus moves to a mass of nervous tissue in your spine called the dorsal root ganglion. There, the virus reproduces again and becomes inactive.

**Recurrence:** When you experience certain emotional or physical stresses, the virus may reactivate and cause new sores and symptoms. One such stress may be a viral illness such as the common cold, hence the frequently used name of " cold sores". "She blanched she and a few Slytherin's had a thing about cold sores and now with this information she felt sick. Then carried on. "Incubation period: For oral herpes, the amount of time between contact with the virus and the appearance of symptoms, called the incubation period, is 2-12 days. The average is about four days.

Duration of illness: Signs and symptoms will last two to three weeks. In addition to below symptoms, fever, tiredness, muscle aches and irritability may occur.

Pain, burning, tingling or itching occur at the infection site before the sores appear. Then clusters of blisters erupt. These blisters break down rapidly and, when seen, appear as tiny, shallow, grey ulcers on a red base. A few days later, they become crusted or scabbed and appear drier and more yellow.

Oral sores: The most intense pain caused by these sores is felt when they first appear, and can make eating and drinking difficult. The sores may occur on the lips, the gums, the front of the tongue, the inside of the cheeks, the throat and the roof of the mouth. They may also extend down the chin and neck.

The gums may become mildly swollen and red and may bleed.

Neck lymph nodes often swell up and become painful.

In people in their teens and 20s, herpes may cause a painful throat with shallow ulcers and a greyish coating on the tonsils.

Because the sores are painful, you may have difficulty eating or drinking. To prevent dehydration, speak to your doctor or practice nurse if you find yourself unable to eat or drink.

Ring your surgery immediately if any of these symptoms, which suggest dehydration, occur:

A decrease in urination (or fewer wet nappies in infants)

Drowsiness

Irritability

Dry mouth"

She was furious and looked at Draco. Harry smiled "Now Luna lets see what's next the Wrackspurts that also hang around Mistletoe and make people go silly." He smiled as she saw people blanch and people who had called her Loony looking rather sick as the full realisation hit them. "Point out who has Wrackspurts" Luna again pointed to Draco and a few of the older Slytherin's then she pointed to Dumbledore. Harry Harry smiled to himself at this little revelation then asked Draco for some blood under the same rules as he had for Pansy. He refused right up to the point Pansy punched him in the nose breaking it. Then asking Harry in a calm voice that seemed to have a hint of ice in it if he could pass her a little glass thing for some of this blood. She then went about getting a bit onto the slide Harry had passed her. She did make a show of washing her hands in Draco's drink then wiping them on his clothes. Harry again had to refocus it until he could see the Wrackspurts now everyone Luna had pointed to was worried. "Okay pansy as you Havant got these yet how about you read out what we are looking at". He passed her another leaflet.

She feinted as she read ahead.

Harry smiled as many went very white. He helped Pansy up and gave her some pumpkin juice until she nodded and started to read.

"_Neurosyphilis_ refers to a site of infection involving the central nervous system (CNS). Neurosyphilis may occur at any stage of syphilis. Before the advent of antibiotics, it was typically seen in 25-35% of patients with syphilis.

Neurosyphilis is now most common in patients with HIV infection. Reports of neurosyphilis in HIV-infected persons are similar to cases reported before the HIV pandemic. The precise extent and significance of neurologic involvement in HIV-infected patients with syphilis, reflected by either laboratory or clinical criteria, have not been well characterized. Furthermore, the alteration of host immunosuppression by antiretroviral therapy in recent years has further complicated such characterization." She looked very confused half the words were harder than Latin to say. Harry smiled at her "It means the things that stop you being ill might not be working if you have one of them diseases or if you have it bad enough it will stop the things that protect you from disease from working right" She went whiter even than Draco and wished she was old enough to drink as she really really needed one now. She reached over to the Ravenclaw table and snagged a goblet of pumpkin juice drank it in one go the carried on.

Madam Pomfrey looked and listened in shock it couldn't be, Was it some muggle disease that had made the Headmaster do what could ruin her life and her career as well as her reputation. Was he really suffering from this silliness or what ever it was called and if so then she had better make sure she was covered with Harry Potter if they found out an insane man had told her to keep the abuse she had detected quite and that a muggle device could show them proof then she blanched. Charity Burbage who sat next to her looked horrified. "I thought those diseases were just horror stories that muggles made up. I I I " She threw up. Madam Pomfrey looked at her "No Charity they are real I just never knew all the stuff that muggles had discovered . If I did I could have helped so many people. I just hope the Headmaster and Snape are not to far gone."

"Approximately 35 to 40% of persons with secondary syphilis have asymptomatic central nervous system (CNS) involvement, as demonstrated by any of these on cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) examination:

An abnormal leukocyte cell count, protein level, or glucose level

Demonstrated reactivity to Venereal Disease Research Laboratory (VDRL) antibody test

Commonly called Brain Syphilis, Neurosyphilis dementia is also a psychiatric diagnosis wherein a multitude of atypical anti-psychotic medications are used to help control the patient's irrational behaviors, with limited success. The term is used in traditional classifications of organic disorders of the brain."

She looked at Draco and the Headmaster both who looked feint. Harry smiled to himself. Pansy carried on.

"There are four clinical types of neurosyphilis:

Asymptomatic neurosyphilis

Meningovascular syphilis

General paresis

Tabes dorsalis

The late forms of neurosyphilis (tabes dorsalis and general paresis) are seen much less frequently since the advent of antibiotics. The most common manifestations today are asymptomatic or symptomatic meningitis. Acute syphilitic meningitis usually occurs within the first year of infection; 10% of cases are diagnosed at the time of the secondary rash. Patients present with headache, meningeal irritation, and cranial nerve abnormalities, Argyll Robertson pupil (miotic pupil not reactive to light but reactive to accommodation), especially the optic nerve, facial nerve and the vestibulocochlear nerve. Rarely, it affects the spine instead of the brain, causing focal muscle weakness or sensory loss."

She took the offered Butterbeer and wondered where Luna had stashed it. Not that she cared this was better than Pumpkin juice and drank the bottle dry Luna smiled and put the cap in a little bag with several more caps in. Before continuing Pansy decided she was no longer Draco's Girlfriend and would tell her father of this immediately as soon as she was finished.

Dumbledore was furious this meant that either Tom or Gerhard had cheated on him there was no mention of goats giving humans that disease. How dare they he was there master he told them what to do.

She started up again

"Meningovascular syphilis occurs a few months to 10 years (average, 7 years) after the primary syphilis infection. Meningovascular syphilis can be associated with prodromal symptoms lasting weeks to months before focal deficits are identifiable. Prodromal symptoms include unilateral numbness, paresthesias, upper or lower extremity weakness, headache, vertigo, insomnia, and psychiatric abnormalities such as personality changes."

She thought how nice Draco had been as a child when they were first introduced as a possible marriage contract material and how he was now. There was definite personalty changes there.

"The focal deficits initially are intermittent or progress slowly over a few days. However, it can also present as an infectious arteritis and cause an ischemic stroke, an outcome more commonly seen in younger patients. Angiography may be able to demonstrate areas of narrowing in the blood vessels or total occlusion.

General paresis, otherwise known as general paresis of the insane, is a severe manifestation of neurosyphilis. It is a chronic dementia that ultimately results in death in as little as 2–3 years. In general, patients have progressive personality changes, memory loss and poor judgement."

At this Harry and several others who had been involved in Harry's little miss adventure all looked at Dumbledore.

"In more rare instances, they can have psychosis, depression or mania. Imaging of the brain usually shows atrophy."

She looked at Harry and he smiled "So does those symptoms remind you of anyone say Tom Riddle who later went on to call himself Lord Voldemort or maybe a certain Headmaster who hired Voldemort to teach in my first year here. Or then again how about them Pureblood Deatheater families that make sure the old crazy ones are not heard from again. Then we have all them people in saint Mungo's with some of these symptoms. It seems the muggles have cures but as all you Pureblood's look down on muggles and their medicine then I guess you all die. For those who are friends with my new girlfriend Luna I am sure she can tell you who is infected and who is healthy. Anyway as Breakfast is over and it the weekend me and my new healthy girlfriend are going to go and play with her new toys. Umm toy I didn't mean she was going to play with me." Luna smiled her dreamy normal expression "No boyfriend of mine you _**were**_ correct, I shall indeed be spending time playing with you. Now less talking and more kissing as we are both Nargle free." They left the hall in a state of pandemonium some had not heard of Dumbledore hiring Voldemort to teach.

Though others had heard of STD and told any who would listen that yes the pamphlets were true and not a prank some bright spark who hated Draco pointed out how terrible it would be if while under the imperious Draco's dad had sex with an infected person before Draco was born as this would mean Draco had it since he was born and could not be cured. He then went on to any who would listen how funny it was that any muggle born would go to a hospital and get tested and checked yet a Pureblood to keep his or her family out the media would prefer to go mad and die a painful agonising death. Draco and several others who Luna had pointed at feinted. Dumbledore might have passed gas but by the way he was walking those that saw him would guess not unless gas was solid.

Pansy nearly had her arms ripped of as Draco made a snatch for the one about Neurosyphilis as soon as he came round. Not that she was worried as she was fleeing the great hall to owl her father. She stopped at the edge of the hall as Luna and Harry shared a kiss then thanked her for her help when they noticed her. They also gave her a pamphlet about penicillin and told her it would become her best friend if she hung around Purebloods for to long. Hermione sat there tears in her eyes Loony had not only been right but she now had Harry as her boyfriend and was being not only proven right but now all them that mocked her were now being made to look like idiots and if Hermione hated one thing it was being made to look like an idiot. Ginny Weasly was cursing Luna as she was promised to Harry, her mother had told her so. It also didn't help that Luna had said she had seen Nargles on Ginny. Ron was depressed and upset he hadn't understood anything other than Dumbledore might be mad and that Harry had a girlfriend already.

Sytherin66 gave me a couple of ideas and gave me a few helpful comments my invisible friends says Crumplehorn Sorkaks are from the wizards who have to much fun with goats and that if Luna looked close she would see Dumbledore had baby Sorkaks sadly he says there is no cure and the males wedding tackle will fall of if not stopped by the expedient method of a meat clever. Well bye for now. Looks strangely at invisible friend..."how do you know what causes Snorkaks?"


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own harry Potter or the song mentioned in this fic.

Harry's and Luna's big prank and revenge part two

They sat in the great hall the shock from the day before still fresh in their minds Sirus Black didn't seem so bad now that many purebloods found out they could be the last of their line. Luna sat down eating her breakfast with a rather large smile on her face. Then it started some strange noise.

Dur dur da dum dar dur da dum

the sound reverberated around the hall,

Dur dur da dum. Dar dur da dum

then a voice broke out ( do not own song or lyrics Geroge Thorgood's Bad To The Bone )

On the day I was born

The nurses all gathered 'round

And they gazed in wide wonder

At the joy they had found

The head nurse spoke up

Said "leave this one alone"

She could tell right away

That I was bad to the bone

The great hall doors flew open and in walked someone in torn knee length jeans with a Stetson cowboy hat on his/her head and a guitar strapped on. One unlike anyone in the hall had seen before covered in runes the same colour as Luna's eyes pale blue that just looked powerful and Luna got a dreamy smile on her face.

Bad to the bone

Bad to the bone

B-B-B-B-Bad

B-B-B-B-Bad

B-B-B-B-Bad

Bad to the bone

As the chorus finished many noticed the strange person walking slowly towards the Ravenclaw table on the way the person removed their Stetson and placed it on one Colin Creevey's head. As Colin looked up the first thing he saw was the green eyes of his and many others hero. Harry Potter.

Gone was the stupid looking glasses and untameable Potter hair it looked like it had been slicked back. He hadn't broke stride for more than a second but Colin thought this was the coolest thing ever. A few muggleborn's and half bloods knew the song and had their feet tapping. In time with the music.

I make a rich woman beg ( he teased as if to kiss Luna a couple of times before she used her puppy dog eyes on him and he kissed her. After all she was the daughter of a owner of a newspaper)

I'll make a good woman steal (Harry looked at a Hufflepuff Susan Bones)

I'll make an old woman blush (looked at professor Babbling the Runes teacher and pretend to adjust a rather large packet in his trousers with one hand, She heard Snape say dream on in a angry tone, when Madam Pomfrey smirked and replied " it's no dream why do you think I like him a hospital bed for so long, before she blushed redder than a tomato)

He reached Luna and lifting her with one arm the last note he played still reverberating in the hall lifted her onto his hip using her bum as a hand hold and a place to hold her up. Giving it a slight squeeze as he did so. He looked over to the Gryffindor table and winked

And make a young girl squeal (Romila Vane and Ginny Weasley among several proved this to be true)

As he sung that he gave Luna's bum a squeeze and she did indeed squeal.

I wanna be yours pretty baby

Yours and yours alone

As he sung those lines he was looking straight into her eyes and she gave a smile and a small nod.

"I'm here to tell ya honey

That I'm bad to the bone

B-B-B-B-Bad

B-B-B-B-Bad

B-B-B-B-Bad

Bad to the bone"

"And when I walk the streets"

"Kings"

Here he looked directly at Draco Malfoy and seemed to flop one wrist.

"Queens step aside"

This lead to many sniggers as muggleborns and halfbloods knew what a queen was in the non magical world. Mind you some bright spark shouted out "don't you mean drama queen"

Harry moved towards Slytherin as he sung Luna with a death grip on his neck and her legs trying to strangle his waist. He stopped in front the ice queen herself Daphne Greengrass a nargle and wrackspurt free person. He smiled at her as he sang

"Every woman I meet" he looked her straight in the eyes and in a tom Jones type of way carried on

"They all stay satisfied"

She went red and hid her face those green eyes to much for her to resist. She even started to fan her face a little.

I wanna tell ya pretty baby

Well Ya see I make my own

I'm here to tell ya honey

That I'm bad to the bone

Bad to the bone

B-B-B-B-Bad

B-B-B-Bad

B-B-B-Bad

Bad to the bone.

The hall was in shock as Harry put Luna down and removed his trench coat throwing it at a stunned Daphne, revealing a torn tea iron maiden T-shirt with a large Eddie the 'Ead on the back (you got to know who Eddie is if not look it up and image witches seeing that on a T-shirt and think demons) instead of making him scruffy looking the song and the way his hair was now revealed to actually be in a pony tail completed the bad boy image. The lack of glasses and a blonde on one arm with a guitar being swung across his back looking for all intense and purposes as a large battle axe gave him a complete bad boy image.

Remus Lupin looked on in shock this was the timid Harry Potter this was the son of Lilly Potter hell no this was James son through and through. The music started again this time by the time it got to the "Every woman I meet, They all stay satisfied" Part he and the now once again wrapped round his waist Luna was exiting the great hall. It was only after they had left the hall the scream of "potter you lose 10000 points for being out of uniform for disturbing breakfast and for your unsightly display of affection" Snape as they all turned to him was red verging on purple had a large vein throbbing on his temple and white froth around his mouth. The Weasly twins sat in awe Harry potter had lost more points than they did in a year had by the looks of it nearly killed Snape just by singing and had more than half the girls in the school sitting with drool hangout their mouths while all of them were very red in the face. The Weasley twins had a new hero someone to hold up as a bench mark.

Ron sat there food hanging from his mouth trying to work out what the hell had just happened.

Hermione sat there and saw what she felt should have been hers after all she had spent two years and this being her third year in moulding Harry into what she wanted in a man.

Daphne's younger sister was teasing her sister by trying to get the trench coat, her red in the face and very flushed sister seemed to be holding onto as some sort of life line to normality.

Colin Creevey and his brother had visions of a shrine with a certain Stetson in it as they almost reverently hell forget almost as they cradled their newest most prized possession.

Dumbledore was at a loss his tool had said in front of the whole school he was bad to the bone. How the hell was he supposed to get him to be a martyr now? How will he defeat the Demon that has taken possession of his weapon? If the demon on the old and tattered robes is anything to go by it will be a most formidable and ancient foe with a legion of followers in picture with it, and to advertise itself in such a care free way in the muggle world. The name of a vicious and evil torture device as the demon worshippers clan name, how could anyone want to be known as a follower of iron maiden. It didn't help that his spell enhanced hearing had heard several Hufflepuff and Gryffindor first year Muggleborn point to Harry's top and exclaim "Eddie" and then one or two seemed to mumble "long live Eddie" At least he had the demons name now. He just needed some research and maybe some simple questions to those who recognised the demon.

Snape seemed to be having trouble breathing with the white froth but Remus Lupin seemed to have trouble breathing for a separate reason after looking at Snape and the state he was in he had started to laugh and as if a dam had broke in him he laughed for real a true healing laugh for the first time since that fateful night.

Minerva couldn't believe that Harry had cost her house so many points and was in shock not to mention she thought she was passed the age of blushing.

Filius was the odd one out the tune had hit him hard and he seemed to be humming it with the occasional "bad to the bone" being heard.

Harry and Luna left the great hall and with Harry still carrying her while giving her neck the odd kiss left the main building and made their way to a nice tree and after letting her down. Harry sat down and Luna sat on his lap both wrapping their arms around each other. Then as if another dam broke they both burst out with laughter. Luna the Loony Lovegood had never been so happy since her mother died she had a boyfriend who had sung a song to her asking her to be his and his alone that translated into will you marry me. This was also the boy who had now shown the magical world her and her father were not nuts and he father now had hundreds if not thousands of people wanting to know how to get rid of nargles and wrackspurts. As for Harry he felt free after the Dementors on the train and the death threats and meeting Tommy boy so many times he felt like he deserved to be free of all the crap that was his life. Also when Snape found out that as it was the weekend and there was no rule about dressing in muggle clothes and also that as a weekend only certain school rules applied then he was sure Snape would snap. They after a few minutes of laughing just decided to snuggle. Sadly a Slytherin prefect had been ordered by Snape to bring that "spoilt potter brat" back to the hall for his punishment and his detention.

As the two love-birds walked into the great hall all eyes were on them Luna it seemed had not unwrapped her legs from Harry's waist and Harry it seemed was fine holding her bum.

Snape started to spit and his eyes seemed to glow a week red but against the might of Harry Potter's total indifference and mighty charisma he would find that he was just hot air.

"Potter put that harlot down." he screamed out.

The Potter in question kissed said "harlot" on the mouth and started to stroke her hair.

Snape was soon removing another 100 points for disrespecting and disobeying a teacher and more unsightly behaviour.

The whole school watched as Snape's words seemed to wash over Potter then Harry turned to Snape and Remus Lupin Suddenly saw Lilly Potter standing before him and not James Potter. A Lilly Potter that was pissed and was after revenge. The set of his jaw the angle of his head even the way he had a smile that never reached his eyes. The Guitar on his back started to glow some more. Those eyes seemed to burn holes in everything they looked at, the stance even with the blonde on his hip screamed "you have made a big mistake and are about to pay for it and it will hurt and never be forgotten".

"Do you know what day today is?" the Question seemed simple but the tone oh the tone was one that had most first and second years get goose bumps, the third years and above just got shivers down their spines.

Dumbledore in his wisdom decided to let Snape have his moment and then he could wean Potter back to the light side. If he had asked Remus Lupin then he would have been told to "kill Snape it be faster and kinder" He never asked

"Potter what foolishness is this of course I know what day it is are you so much of a stupid dunderhead that you can't even keep track of what day it is?"

The Slytherin's bar (who after looking at Harry and thinking of the chamber of secrets episode and the fact he had produced a corporeal Patronus decided discretion was the more Slytherin thing to do and maybe after looking at them eyes a dam site safer) a few sniggered at the way their head of house put Potter Down and Draco was the loudest. With his as he thought witty "Yes Potter is that scar from he who must not be named or from being dropped on your head so often"

Harry just shook his head and smiled but the way his tight top ruffled as if in a breeze and the way his eyes seemed to gain sparks in them made the quite ones know they had made the right choice. " Then as you know that today is Sunday you also know that as this is a boarding school and not a prison that on weekend students may wear what they please, after all we or our parents pay yours and even the headmasters wages. So in effect we are your bosses."

The Weasley twins sat slacked jawed forget idle he was a god.

"Hermione what does Hogwarts a history say about school attire?"

Hermione seeing a chance to at least look semi intelligent spoke out "it states that school uniforms must be worn for formal occasions, lessons and, and "she stopped that was it just formal occasions and lessons

Harry smiled "so it does not say we have to wear school uniform on weekends or after of before classes then?"

Hermione shook her head "No the founders stated that they wanted the pupils to remember where they came from and for the pupils to learn respect and self reliance so as a helping hand they made it so students could show their individuality and one of them ways is how they dress out of school times."

The student body was in shock and many Ravenclaw's were suddenly looking at the school rules pamphlet. Quickly followed by many muggleborn's throwing of their stuffy school stuff to reveal t-shirts and jeans or cords. This led to pandemonium as more muggleborn's and half bloods also got rid of their top layers of clothing. Sadly Harry was not finished there however.

"So Snape you deducted points for no reason and yet my Head of House a house supposedly for the brave not only let him get away with it but is to scared to put the points back." he shook his head sadly.

Snape was spluttering. Wishing he could cast the killing curse and end the Potter line for all time.

Remus was in danger of dying from oxygen starvation and Filius was busy divesting himself of his own teacher garb to reveal a Hawaiian beach shirt that put Dumbledore's Magenta robes to shame.

Harry carried on "Also and this does not apply to me but to the older students that once you reach 16 you are classed as an adult this means you may go home on the weekends as long as you return before 8pm Sunday night. As legal adults even muggleborn's may practice magic while at home as long as no one not in the secret can see. This also means that..."

He had to stop as the Ravenclaws were looking things up and were talking in loud voices then several looked at their watches and ran from the hall. The cheekier ones shouted out "see you later suckers were of home for a Snape free day." or words to that affect.

This confirmation made pandemonium ensue as young adults from all houses ran for it.

Snape was now madder than he had ever been, face to face with a werewolf "ha" child's play; hanging upside down with his underpants showing ha wouldn't get an emotion from him. Put him in a room with Harry Potter and oh how different that was and now and now he he he "AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" he stood up and went to make a dramatic entrance from the hall when Potter decided to get in some parting words.

"You see Snape my question about the day was not for me but for you as it seems you don't know what day you can enforce certain school rules it's a shame that you're …. Now what was it you said I would be if I didn't even know the day oh yes "Stupid and a dunderhead"

Snape made no reply and Draco suddenly felt like a fool. As he watched his head of house robes billow as he fled yes fled the main hall.

It seemed Luna didn't want to be left out of the fun and her voice carried over the noise in the great hall. "You know Professor Snape that muggles have a medicine for flatulence and you must have it bad if it makes your cloak move like that."

To the Weasley twins Harry had gone beyond godhood and Luna was catching up. The Creevey brothers seeing their hero defeat the potions teacher with just words was so awe inspiring that it left them speechless.

Then The Head of Gryfindor spoke up "Mr Potter all points removed by Professor Snape shall be returned." If she expected cheering or some sort of acknowledgement she was mistaken she got neither. As Harry was busy Kissing Luna, again and several couples were following his example.

Dumbledore suddenly realised Snape had lost and Harry had won and he was now without a head boy or girl until tonight and also many prefects were also gone. He had lost; he had lost against a person who never knew it was two against one. Then the cold hard fact hit him. He was the headmaster he had allowed Snape to have a go at Potter he had known the school rules and allowed a teacher to publicly try and humiliate the Boy who lived, and had lost. Then something that had been niggling at the back of his mind came to the front "Lovegood, her dads the one that owns the Quibbler?" he blurted out to his second in command who then went white.

Remus looked up and the name quibbler hit him it was a news paper. James and Lilly's son had shot down Snape with a newspaper editor's daughter on his hip. If this didn't make the Quibbler news nothing would. That afternoon at Dinner he was proven right as the whole day's escapade was printed as a full cover front page story with the title

"Who's laughing now".

Not that Harry cared he was too busy hugging Luna and kissing her ears that he seemed to have a strange fascination with.

Thanks to slytherin66 for help with this and some ideas for the next part of this fic, And to **hentai18ancilla who gave it a once over for me**.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry and Luna's big revenge and prank part 3

I do not own Harry Potter or Luna Lovegood and wouldn't want to own Snape or Dumbledore. Sadly I don't own the Weasley twins either

Monday was not a good day for the teachers of Hogwarts the students over 16 had got back on time bar a couple of Slytherin's and Snape was reluctant to punish his one house. Then the headmaster had called a meeting about the t-shirt harry was wearing the day before and if any of them new anything about this Eddie demon or the cult iron maiden. The fact that several teachers had heard about iron maiden and had heard they were the bomb or totally wicked was not a happy thought.

Harry and Luna spent the morning getting ready for lessons then nodding to each other at breakfast. It was not until lunch time they held hands and hugged. It was this very thing Snape had been trailing them for during every break now he had them it was a Monday so weekend rules be dammed.

"Potter Lovegood 100 points each for holding hands another 100 points each for kissing on school grounds during a school day and another 200 points for having a messy uniform. Oh and in case you didn't know they are points off from your houses."

Snape stood there smug and harry and Luna looked at him then carried on holding hands and kissing this seemed for some totally unknown reason to totally unhinge the potions teacher. Several students would swear he had froth coming from his mouth while he had steam coming from his ears. Either way all agreed it was damn funny to see.

As they waited for the school bell Snape snapped and grabbed a hold of them to drag them to the headmaster. Well that was the plan but it seemed as Harry didn't want to stop kissing Luna's ear so as soon as he felt a hand that was not Luna's touch him he reacted and quite simple held it in place while he bent his and Luna's body still kissing the sharp angled tilt made Snape's wrist bend into the classic swan position and his scream was music to many a poor child's ears. Then the bell went for lunch being over and Luna and Harry separated and walked of to lessons. Snape stood there vowing retribution and a great deal of pain to Potter. But first he had a lesson to teach. As he sat down and took points for every little thing he could think of leaving Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff 500 points lower than when they came into the class room he decided to make a spectacle of Potter in the Great hall at tea tonight. His victory and showing Potter expelled in front the whole school would be so much sweeter that way.

Hermione watched as Harry went through the motions of his lessons and if she hadn't got that little bit okay the hell of a lot of jealousy in her she might have tried to help him but she had so she offered no help. The annoying thing was that all during transfiguration he did each spell first time every time he even played with some of the simple things, like a matchstick to a needle. He made knitting needles and fancy needles even sail makers and leather work needles. It annoyed Hermione that he scored an amazing 50 points more than he for the Gryffindor side.

Luna sat in Herbology with a smile on her face and non could tell if it was her normal dreamy smile or the dreamy smile of a girl who got kissed by her man at every opportunity. Either way the looks of jealously she got from Ginny Weasley seemed like water of a ducks back.

At Tea the air of anticipation seemed high amongst the Slytherin's and Harry and Luna who he had met after class found it weird how many Slytherin's came up to them and proclaimed they were against what was about to happen.

Snape waited until harry was about to take a bite of what Snape knew was his favourite pudding, it was a small bit of vindictiveness but even so it made him feel better.

"Potter you seem to think that you can do as you please and attack a teacher well now lets see if you get any favouritism with the whole school watching."

Harry looked at him and just gave him a single finger salute.

Snape and everyone else eyes bugged out did he really give Snape a single finger salute

Fred and George looked at each other then looked under the table and shook their heads. "Harry you must have a levitation charm on them things as they must way a ton."

Harry looked at the twins and shook his head "what?"

"your balls they must weigh a ton, do you use a levitation charm on them?"

Harry sniggered then burst out laughing "na I have Luna to help me carry them around."

Fred George stared then looked at Snape then at Harry then burst out laughing. This seemed to snap Snape out of it and he hit the roof. Some say he tried to use the gas that made his cloak swirl so he could literately hit the roof. Well by some Harry and Luna and the twins.

Hermione gaped along with most of the school.

"Potter, that's it Headmaster I want him expelled now. Along with that slut of his"

The twins stopped laughing and everyone near harry started to back away from him. Snape really really shouldn't have said that.

"Favouritism, favouritism...I see so that's what it is called" the tone was cold and sent shivers and caused goose bumps on more than one person. His head slowly turned until he was looking at Snape.

McGonagal and the Headmaster had said nothing and he turned to look at both of them. McGonagal had her mouth in a tight line and the headmaster had that stupid twinkle in his eyes. He turned back to Snape "I see."

He smiled and his eyes started to glow as he slowly stood up. " I defeat Voldemort in my first year here and get 50 points in my second year I defeat Voldemort and his pet Basilisk also in this very school and again get 50 points...yet your old boss Tommy boy Lord Wimpy or Voldemort got an award for special services to the school. Your pathetic godson one snivelling pathetic inbred limp wristed shirt-lifter named Draco gets more than that just for washing his hair or ruining a Gryffindor's potion. Yet I am the one who is shown favouritism." He moved away from the table and Luna stood up and walked up-to her man.

"So oh all knowing Deatheater scum tell me what school rules did I break today?"

Snape went white it was one thing to embarrass Potter but to have it pointed out that Draco was his godson and the favouritism he showed him undermined his whole argument after all it only would take someone to check the school points records and he would be in for major embarrassment. Snape decided to make a grand showing of it and hopefully in such away that he would come out on top.

"You were hugging and kissing Lovegood on a school day in school hours, you were improperly dressed and you also broke my wrist, and that's just for starters."

The hall gasped Potter had broke Snape's wrist.

"At what time did these supposed rule breaking events take place?" his tone was calm and measured but his hair still in a pony tail was swishing about almost like a cats tail as it played with a mouse.

Snape smiled " There is nothing supposed about it ass many witnesses can verify who were around you at lunch." He broke of with a nasty smirk.

Remus who had sat quietly now decided he might quit and sod Dumbledore this was just to dangerous a place to work, you did not piss of a person who must at the age of 15 months been stronger than Dumbledore as Harry had beat Voldemort yet Dumbledore never could. The Look in Harry's well not eyes as eyes have 3 sections the white bit the coloured bit and the black pupil in the centre they most certainly didn't have one killing curse green with lightning bolts in them.

Harry turned to the Ravenclaw table and spoke in a quite tone "What are the school hours?"

Several Ravenclaws said that from first lesson to the last lesson of the day as they had looked it up.

Harry smiled and shook his head "read it again you will find that it stops at lunch and restarts after lunch as lunch is not a school time it is classed the same as a Saturday or Sunday with the exception that if you leave the school you must be back before the next lesson you are due to attend. This was done so people who had exams could get out the school and go home and get a boost from their family or even just go to Hogsmeade and have a quite lunch without a bunch of under years bugging them."

The Ravenclaws and many other 16 year old's looked at the rule books and couldn't see it. Sadly one spoke up and told him so.

Snape smiled yes victory was his.

Harry smiled and shook his head "read again you will find that lunch is not a school time it is classed the same as a Saturday or Sunday with the exception that if you leave the school you must be back before the next lesson you are due to attend. This was done so people who had exams could get out the school and go home and get a boost from their family or even just go to Hogsmeade and have a quite lunch without a bunch of under years bugging them."

The squeals of joy spoke more than the smiles or anything else "he is right hell yes " shouted a Hufflepuff who had a younger brother who missed him a lot and was very glad to see him on Sunday. He already had plans of seeing his family every dinner time from now on. The fact he was a prefect forgotten.

Dumbledore went white he would loose his prefects again only this time at dinner time.

Snape kept his grin up "yes very interesting but that does not help you."

Harry smiled "indeed it does if dinner times are listed as the same as weekends then weekend rules apply so that means hand holding kissing and being out school uniform also apply. So I broke no rules. As for your hand ..." His grin got feral and to most pant wetting scary.

"Do you know who I am?"

Snape Smirked "a self centred arrogant spoilt little boy who is as stupid and as arrogant as his father."

Dumbledore only just managed to get Remus before he could get to Snape.

Harry smile never left his face "if I am the same as my father and I never knew him as he was murdered by your old boss Tommy boy when I was 15 months old I would say it was not arrogance but the fact we Potters are so much better than you. After all punishing a child for being the son of a person you didn't like, even though the child never knew his father. How petty small minded and stupid can you get?" harry turned to Luna and whispered something into her ear that made her burst out with laughter.

Fred or it could have been George wanted to know what had made her laugh so risking Gryffindor loosing a billion points asked her.

Harry smiled "I just said if you look in the dictionary under dunderhead it would show Snape."

Fred or George fell of the bench in shock. Or it could have been their own laughter.

"After all what better way to get back at a dead enemy than befriend your enemy's son and slowly turn him against his dad. Oh wait he didn't do that he did he no the dunderhead made me see that he was nothing but a greasy small minded poofter of a Deatheater who showered his godson in the very favouritism I am accused off. I do have to wonder if Snape even owns a dictionary as he should look up the word hypocrite."

Harry Kissed Luna again, in-front of Snape and the whole school.

Then he carried on "I asked if you knew who I was for a simple reason...well it would have to be a simple reason as anything complicated would stump you for far to long and we have lessons tomorrow."

Several students snickered at this and even Remus looked impressed. Dumbledore felt a cold feeling in his stomach Potter couldn't have found out who he was could he? His worse well one of his worse fears behind having no socks and running out of lemon drops or having to fight tom without Potters help. Was revealed before the school.

"You see Snape I am the head of at least two ancient and most noble houses. And you laid your hand upon me in anger. As the head of either family I can quite simply have you killed or challenge you to a honour duel to the death."

Snape went white. He had given part of the prophecy to his master but later Dumbledore had told him the whole thing, with Voldemort still about and the only one able to kill Potter he was as good as a dead man in a duel.

"Instead though I shall have you finned 2/3 of you wealth as is my right."

The school looked shocked Dumbledore spoke up "Mr Potter unfortunately the rules you spoke of do not apply as they were ratified by myself during the war with Voldemort"

Harry smiled " Sword of Gryfindor." A swirl of magic and the legendary sword was in his hand once again. " the first most ancient and noble house I am the head of and coincidently one quarter owner of Hogwarts. Potter family ring" A Large ring appeared on his hand with the Potter crest on it. Snape was now worried if Potter held the Family ring he was classed as an adult in nearly everything. Dumbledore had told him that Potter had no idea about the use of Family rings.

Luna spoke up " The Ravenclaw family ring" a swirl of magic and a ring with the Ravenclaw crest on it appeared on her hand. "Only females become the head of the Ravenclaw Family in honour of Rowena. My father is the Lovegood family head while I am the Ravenclaw Family head. That means I own a quarter of this school along with my boyfriend."

Now Snape was sweating Half the bloody school was standing before hi...BUUUGGGEEERRR he had insulted his ultimate bosses and called the head of the Ravenclaw family a " He started to sway as he nearly passed out Dumbledore staggered this was not according to his plan to humble Potter then get him nicely moulded into a suicide fighter.

The Ravenclaw table had other things on their minds the least of which was where they had put Luna's stuff the most pertinent that was in front of most their minds was "Merlin we are fucked"

Harry smiled "the next one took some doing as we were not sure but" Luna elbowed him "Okay I wasn't sure" He gave her a little kiss.

"Hufflepuff family ring." A swirl of the now familiar magic and the Hufflepuff family ring appeared on his hand Snape sat down before he collapsed. "Last but not least Slytherin Family ring"

The school looked on in shock as the Slytherin family ring appeared on Potters finger.

" You see Luna the incredibly bright and beautiful and taken Girlfriend of one Harry potter who just happens to be the luckiest man alive and by a shear coincidence is me pointed out I had defeated Tom Riddle or Lord Voldemort or as me and Luna like to call him... lord wimpy"

A gasp went around the hall and many of the more stupid Slytherin's could be heard shouting about not calling the dark lord such nasty names.

The Muggleborn's were laughing as they thought of "He Who Must Not be Named serving wimpy burgers with a greasy apron and hair very similar to one potion master.

Harry kissed Luna as he waited for the noise to die down.

"You see when a grown man can't even take on a 15 month baby and win he must be a major wimp I also kicked his butt when I was 11 and the headmaster hired him to teach defence I then kicked his but again when Malfoy set him loose in the castle when I was 12. so I am 3 for 3 and according to the sexy and most greatest girlfriend ever as 3 is a magic number and as he himself got the Hufflepuff name after he killed the last Hufflepuff descendant I can do the same so by right of combat and magic I claimed the Hufflepuff and Slytherin lines so that makes this school 3/4 mine and also means me and Luna need to have a big family so all the lines can carry on."

Dumbledore paled Potter knew more than he did and had connected more dots than he had. This was bad.

Harry smiled "As the Headmaster you know your power in this school is second to me as I am the majority owner of this school. You also know that only me and Luna can change any of the founding rules. Let us not forget I can also call in the Aurors and have them investigate anything I want." Dumbledore and Snape both went white.

"So now we have covered I have broke no rules and yet I still see some houses with points missing I think I shall have a separate person look at the points system and work out how to make it fairer.

Luna spoke up "But Sweetheart we already did remember we hired gut rot from Gringotts to go over the school rules and then take one galleon for each point unfairly removed or given as a show of favouritism. He is busy checking over the last 3 years of the schools records right now."

Snape feinted and Dumbledore suddenly found his underpants were not as empty as they had been.(This later caused a house elf rebellion led by Dobby who stated that the greatest wizard alive Harry potter never made such a mess. Also that the greatest wizard alive was in-fact their boss not Dumbledore)

Remus looked at Snape and Dumbledore and couldn't help himself he burst out with Laughter.

Harry Smiled and sat down to finish his pudding.

Luna looked at Fred and spoke "Fred While I do carry them for Harry even with both of us hefting them about I do use a levitation charm on them." and she wondered back to her meal.

Snape woke up in his own bed and hoped against all hope it had been some horrific nightmare. He held up hope until a grizzled Goblin face came into view. "So Mr Snape lets talk finance or your lack of it shall we." The fact he was cleaning his finger nails with a vicious looking dagger did nothing to calm his nerves.

Looked over by Slytehrin66 thanks for help and advice.


	4. Chapter 4

**Harry and Luna 4**

The next day the great hall sat in silence as before them stood a grizzled goblin, that in and of itself was a Hogwarts the history moment as no goblins had ever been allowed into the great hall. This one though had a large folder with him that he put onto a conjured table that harry had placed there for him. At the moment he was talking to the owners of Hogwarts. Harry was laughing while Luna had her normal serene smile on her face. With a wave of his wand the folder grew to show it was in fact a pile of books.

Harry looked around and decided to speak up. "Well Gutrot here has finished his audit of points and I would like you all to thank him for his hard work and diligence." With that he and Luna gave a polite clap and looked around as no one joined in. Harry shook his head, and then smiled.

Gutrot had not expected any thanks other than the money he was owed but it was a nice if not pointless gesture. That was until Harry spoke up again.

"As the co owner of this school and someone trying to improve on the normal stupidity that governs this school and magical world when I say something like lets express our thanks I expect it to be done. I hear-by remove all house points from all houses and give all houses a 6 month Quidditch ban."

Mouths dropped then Luna spoke up " As the co owner of this school I have decided that as you show no respect to this Goblin then none shall be shown to any of you as of now and until the 6 month ban is lifted no teacher is to use a child's name it all children will be referred to as boy, girl or you or some other descriptive name like bushy" she said looking directly at Hermione Granger. Lets see how you like having even the most basic of common curtsies removed from you."

Gutrot was shocked and more than a bit happy he was going to have to share this with the others of his clan.

"Now lets see about some of these points shall we Gutrot?"

What followed was embarrassing to say the least. Hogwarts points came and went at a teachers or prefects say so. Now points cost money many teachers looked worried, more so when Harry spoke up and said that "as we all realise when a teacher deduct points or gives them then the school removes them or adds them. This is not a conscience effort by a teacher or prefect. Now the prefects points have not been looked at as it is the teachers I wanted to know about, Sadly some teachers seem unable to control their mouths and others cant control their dreams so with out further ado." He paused as what he said sunk in, but knowing the idiots in charge it hadn't "Mr Gutrot will now give us a sleight run down the records will be left in the library for anyone to read."

Gutrot took a breath "Professor McGonagal why is it that in the first year you removed 10 points from Blondie there and 50 from each of your own house?"

Draco was not happy being referred to as Blondie and Professor McGonagal was not happy as it showed blatant favouritism to Slytherin.

"I was more upset with people from my own house breaking the rules." she said trying to sound calm. She only got an "Ummm" in response. "About this indecent where you teachers were so stupid as to not order a headcount or even acknowledge the fact that you separated the whole school into tiny unprotected groups that Ginger bushy and my boss got such a raw deal with the troll one of your own set loose in the school?" The first years not knowing what the Goblin was talking about looked puzzled. They save a child a teacher put in danger they did the job of stunning said creature and all they got was a few rather pointless points?" Harry smirked at that.

"Yes" Luna spoke up "after all Voldemort grassed Hagrid up and got him expelled but never did anything dangerous yet Stud here and the ginger belly saved a student's life from a troll and the idiocy of the school teachers surely Ginger and my stud should have gotten a plaque as well." She seemed to hum for a bit then spoke up "Talking of which why does voldemort still have a plaque in this school when he is a confessed murdered and Hagrid has been proven innocent come to think about it Daddy shall have to right a story about how innocent people don't get their wands back or the right to do magic restored but dark lords get to keep their plaques up for lying and murder. Seems a strange policy to me but then I am nuts according to some." Here she looked at the Ravenclaw table.

Harry spoke up "Bugger I forgot about that." then he smiled Remus Lupin hoped he wasn't the one to suffer from that smile.

"Gutrot the person who let the troll loose was one Professor Quirrell, who was hired by one Albus to many names and to big a nose Dumbledore, The fact he hired Tom riddle or Voldemort to teach first years is a bit on the bad side don't you think and umm what's happened about the break in at Gringotts that year?"

Dumbledore paled and tried to interrupt but Gutrot seeing Dumbleducks face smiled.

"Gringotts spared no expense to investigate the security breech and we were unable to ascertain who is responsible or have any leads yet why?" (The Security breach been bad for business and the vault in question was medium security. Even so the small vault holders all together had more wealth than Malfoy and fudge together and if they removed their money due to the incident then Gringotts would have lost a lot more than just its prestige. It was lucky wizards and witches had such short attention spans)

Harry smiled "so the Supreme Mugwump, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot Mr more names than Boldemort never told you in the interest in Goblin and human relationships that it was Professor Quirrell who broke in then? Oh and you wont find him, as he was being possessed by Voldemort I had to kill him." Harry buffed his nails on his school top. "As you are aware he was already hired by the Head Master who was and still is a Ministry of Magic official when he broke in, I don't know if the goblins would hold him responsible for the loss of earning due to the break in or the loss of your prestigious title of being the safest place to bank or even the loss of face, BUUUUUUTTTTT as he was Quirrell's boss at the time ….."

Gutrot smiled and made a note on some parchment then the parchment glowed and vanished it was less than 1 minute later a glowing parchment appeared in his hand. Dumbledore gulped.

"Mr Boss man (as Harry had as many titles as Albus now) why is it this is the first we at Gringotts have heard of this?"

Harry smiled "After I defeated Quirrell and Voldemort I was in hospital, When I asked the Head Buzzard (While thinking to himself why he called the twinkly eyed git anything remotely nice then remembered ratings for some strange reason and decided that head bast~~~ just looked wrong along with twinkly eyed t++t and many other correctly descriptive titles.) He told me every one knew, so I assumed that you had also been informed it seems I was in error."

Gutrot turned to the Head Buzzard and smiled "is this true did you inform Mr Boss man/majority owner of Hogwarts here that everyone knew what had happened? Remember if you lie and I find out then the results will be a whole lot more painful." ( Here he pulled out a dagger that Snape recognised and a book called "torture on dummies" along with a pamphlet that seemed to be entitled bdsm and torture how to turn your late night fun into profit. )

Dumbledore gulped and nodded "yes I did tell him that but."

Binns for the first time in living memory (not his living memory he is dead after all) went reddish " you, you moron Mr Dimwitt don't you ever listen to my lectures in class." He started to shake his head while many students sniggered that Binns couldn't even get the headmasters name right.

Gutrot turned to Harry "well boss man it was not your fault as such nothing will be done to you... However Albus Dumbledore your vault has been confiscated as written in the 1250 accords of wizards withholding information that hurts the bank or it's reputation."

Dumbledore frowned blinked then filling his underpants as he realised what his brother would do when he found out his younger brother had lost the Dumbledore fortune and the deeds to his pub then feinted. The teachers moved a bit further away from the now rather smelly Headmaster.

Bins went even more reddish in fact he looked almost alive with the amount of colour he was now showing. "You buffoon if the Goblins press forward on that charge the ministry will be honour bound to have you hog-tied and gagged on the front steps of Gringotts while wearing your best loincloth and bib, so they could roast you for their dragons dinner."

Gutrot spoke up "I am sorry but that is incorrect."

Binns looked shocked and for the first time seemed to realise Gutrot was a goblin and he spoke in the Goblins native tongue then started to sway.

"It seems I was in error they only do that after you have been publicly whipped tarred and feathered then strip washed as the dragons do not like the taste of tar. Before roasting they make you clean out the dragon pens, a sort of digging your own grave before being killed thing. Instead they are making sure you are not put with the decent fertiliser." He then floated of muttering about how Dimwit was just like his name.

Gut rot decided to continue. After he had a small drink from his hip flask.

Gutrot spoke up again his grin was not a nice looking thing "Now it seems that professor Babbling you have given 210 points to one Mr. Potter for being an upstanding man amongst boys for knowing the right thing to do at the right time and for knowing what a woman wants."

Harry and the whole schooled swivelled their heads to the hot runes teacher who was shacking her head "Umm I never I mean I don't Harry has never had a class with me."

"Professor Babbling Hogwarts adds or removes points as the teacher or prefect says even if said person is asleep. The fact you were apparently having erotic dreams and was awarding Mr Potter for his dream ability's is neither here nor there."

Harry smiled and Luna Giggled then Harry burst out into laughter.

"Professor I don't mind sharing my Harry with you later." Luna's voice seemed to snap everyone out of their shock.

"We also have a similar thing for Professor Sprout and Neville Longbottom, where he got points for knowing how to properly bed a sprout, having a good watering technique, the amazing ability to nip your buds in the right way."

Neville went bright red and Professor Sprout nearly feinted. Even so she was swaying back and forth in an alarming manner.

"so much so it was worth an amazing 700 points so far"

Neville couldn't help himself "Yes see that I got Gryfindor 700 points in 3 years take that jack asses with your squib comments"

Then he realised he had said it aloud rather than just in his head and it a bout of accidental magic he disillusioned himself and was not found for a while. (Mainly due to him passing out and being under the table.)

Professor Flitwick it seems you were a bit annoyed with bushy over there as you removed some 500 points for being a big headed bossy know it all."

Professor Flitwick looked somewhat abashed but hell he hated how a bloody Gryfindor made his house look stupid after all everyone one knows Gryffindor's are all muscle and no brains the fact she was Muggleborn with no vault or gold of her own was salt to the wound. But in class he was scrupulously fair it was only in his dreams he let his Goblin side out. Like any goblin he hated anything that made him look stupid and having his own house loose out to that insufferable bighead was one thing he detested.)

Bushy as she was now known burst into tears. It just wasn't her week.

The next shock was madam Pomfrey as far as anyone knew she never gave or removed points but the 100 points she had given Mr Potter for things like Giving Harry points for things like "!0 points for making bed baths pantie wetting enjoyable" or "5 points for putting yourself in my hands" The 50 points for the best orgasm in 30 years was a bit worrying though.

Luna smiled "See Harry Madam Pomfrey is a great hands on nurse you shouldn't worry about going to the hospital wing so often."

Pomfrey went red and hid her head under the desk.

Other teachers had other pet peeves they expressed in their dreams or other types of fantasies. Then it came to the last one Snape. The books that Gutrot had been holding were all placed down and Gut rot left the hall with a "just going to get Professor Snape's file."

Most thought he had forgotten it that was until the doors opened and Gutrot came back in pushing a wheel barrow with a very large book on it.

Snape wanted to follow the Headmasters example, being that he felt all Slytherin's must be stoic so using Occlumency he was able to hide some of his terror and felt relief that he still had a calming draft and a mind altering potion concealed in his robes (he had been taking them for medical purposes ever since his last meeting with the Goblin). To all those watching him he looked as sacred as a first year Hufflepuff at their first potion class which pleased every student present except the Slytherin's.

"Mr Gutrot couldn't you have at least shrunk the book?" this came from Minerva "I don't give a damn" McGonagal.

For an answer Gutrot tipped the book of the barrow and had Harry cast a finite at it.

The book grew and grew and well you get the idea.

"Now Professor Snape here is a special case as he had already lost 2/3 of his money and estate to Mr Boss man he is unable to pay what he owes, and due to his Hogwarts contract and his employment contract he can't be fired nor can he brew for others for personal monetary gain. Now as his only options are to moonlight as male hooker, win a vast fortune, or be Mr Boss man's personal house elf so Professor Snape what have do decided to do?

Snape stood and did the most humiliating thing he had ever done.

"I charge 5 galleons for a back rub with oils, 5 galleons for a full massage with no oils. 10 with oils, for 15 galleons you get me as your escort for the day and a massage and for 2 galleons you get me as your personal foot rest for 4 hours."

He had tears in his eyes mind you so did Remus Lupin but his was from Laughter.

Snape carried on "for 15 galleons I will ,will be your personal sex toy for a period not exceeding 3 hours" Snape broke down and started to cry many couldn't believe that rather than just do some cleaning up and washing and cooking for Harry, Snape preferred to be a sex toy for hire.

"Gutrot spoke up "For the full price list look in tomorrow's Daily prophet or the Quibbler also if you get the Quibble it has money off vouchers so you can get things at half price."

Harry thought that had been nice of Mr Lovegood to allow Snape to get more experience so when he finally left Hogwarts he would have a skilled profession to fall back on. (he didn't know it but Draco Malfoy or the blonde ponce as he was known for the next 6 months put an order in for 100 copies of the Quibbler as soon as he left the hall.)

Harry smiled and wondered how many would get the Quibbler just to make life Snape's life hell, as some of the things he could be hired to do were damn right nasty. He bet Snape wished he hadn't just blurted out how he would "prefer to be the house elf of the whole wizarding world rather than bloody potters."

As Gutrot took him at his word . He even had made a price list up in case where nothing on it was worth more than 20 Galleons. That being the price off a disgraced elf. Even so he could have backed down when given the chance in front of the school but he hadn't Snape the sex toy was on the market.

"As for those curious about this Snape here has deducted 2000 points from Mr Boss man here for breathing another 500 points for daring to have Lilly's eyes another 15000 for things from being a dunderhead to being arrogant. Well you can read the rest in the school library"

Gutrot chuckled to himself as he left the school it had been a most rewarding and prosperous job one that he had been stuck with and hadn't wanted now he was smiling and many would wish they had offered to help that Potter boy.

His fondest part other than the fact as he was the goblin who alerted Gringotts about the breaking he got half of Dumbledore wealth and he got a percentage of all the fines as well was when some bright spark asked him how the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's keep their points so even with so much being removed a sum total of 78000 in the case of Snape alone. The face of Snape when he said.

"Why the female prefects and their lust filled fantasies of Mr Potter of course, if not for them then Gryfindor would have been so far behind that Mr Potters great grand kids would still be trying to get Gryfindor into the blue and out of the red."

Snape had looked like he had a epileptic fit or seizure OF some kind while Luna had smiled and said how he was all hers and nearly every female prefect went bright red some passing out as they thought of their dreams and glad that the book never showed how many points they gave Harry for the brill way he used his wand or tongue (his ability to talk to snakes and the vibrating tongue is the reason Parselmouths were so hated or rather people were so jealous off) whatever their favourite fantasy was. Snape had as secret hope it had been one or two prefects that had gave him a ridicules amount of points in their sick and twisted fantasies but the fact that every female prefect from all houses went red crashed that hope down. What the hell was he doing in their dreams to be worth so many points?

Yes it was so amusing to see Humans make such fools of themselves. With that he walked of Hogwarts grounds and into Hogwarts a History.

His return to Gringotts went unnoticed by the Humans but those who had made fun of him now saw that he had rose up 4 ranks due to personal wealth and influence. They also noticed how like any good goblin he was planning on making their lives hell for their treatment of him.

Dumbledore when he woke up was not happy. He had found a letter from the school elves that plainly stated that any under garments that were not in a reasonable state would not be washed or touched by the elves as a lesson to the person involved that potty training was supposed to last a life time and maybe he should be retrained as it seemed to have slipped his mind. The Fact that the paintings were going on about some mad elf that said Mr Potter was the greatest wizard ever made him think this had been Dobby's idea. That had been swiftly removed though when he called an elf and told him to have his undergarments washed. The Elf looked at him shook his head and pointed to the note "it being good the great and wise Harry potter in charge as you forget we not have to do that if they in bad state and as note in front of you, you must be very stupid person." and with that the elf popped of leaving a gaping Headmaster and a very smelly room. The note also stated that Professor nutty as a fruit cake had enough smelly stuff spare he might be able to get rid of the smell for at least 2 hours as none of the house elves had been hired to work in a sewer and the amount of sewage that came from Dimwit's mouth (Dumbledore's own name had been crossed out it seemed the Elves preferred what Binns called him) And his lower body more than classified his office as a sewer.

Harry and Luna had their breakfast and made their way to their first lesson. They walked side by side not holding hands or even kissing as they went their separate ways, after all they didn't want to break school rules now would they.

Neville looked at a blushing Professor sprout and smiled his shy smile "Profes...professor was it true what Gutrot said?" He was blushing more madly than her but he had to know hell he was a Gryfindor and he was missing something Harry had finally found, love" He knew Harry had got it bad from his first year as he saw a lot of himself in Harry but where Harry had made friends with Ron and Bushy no one had made the effort for him, then there was his gran she never showed him love only contempt.

Hell he needed to know he was not alone.

Professor Sprout went very red under the blushing gaze of Neville and slowly nodded her head.

Neville thought about it for all of 2 seconds here was a chance for him to find some affection taking the Gryfindor way he spoke up. "Saturday if your not busy umm we could um greenhouse 4 has some um sprouts that need some up work and um re-potting" he went red this was not how he wanted it to go so taking another deep breath "we could you know um on Saturday get to know each other..." he was redder than a Weasley hair. Sprout was thunderstruck and in shock and more than a little embarrassed just nodded. It would become the love scandal of the day, after that the gossipers moved onto how often Draco was hiring Snape. (Though many did not know he was doing it at half price and saving his daddy a small fortune)

That night Luna and Harry cuddled up and smiled "So my love who shall we do next in our revenge and pranking fight back. We seem to have gotten Snape and Dumbledore really well this week so far."

Luna smiled and nuzzled Harry's neck "why Mr Potter you say the most romantic things to a girl, why the ministry if we can of course the ministry my dear boy. After all the hurtful things they have said about Daddy also what they did to Hagrid last year."

Granger unhappy is always good, given the power Hogwarts has will in now think of her as bushy Granger? The Graduation diploma would make a fun read.

Thanks for reading read over by slytherin66 and thanks for some of the ideas I have been sent for this fic.


	5. Chapter 5

**Luna and harry revenge and big prank part five**

_I don't own Luna Harry or any of the others please read fic with Bonnie Tyler sing song and let your imagination run free with the fight scene as I believe no fight scene can be written to give justice to persons own imagination, I also don't own her or the song dam wish I did own her she was/is so hot. Sigh_

The teachers noticed how the students seemed in a hurry to finish their meals. As soon as they were done they would hurry out the hall the Weasley twins had eaten even faster than their younger brother Ron who seemed to be put out that his brothers had once again beat him at something as he was mumbling how they may have been faster but he would eat more, or something along those lines.

Harry and Luna smiled to each other as they ate their meals at separate tables and after pudding got up and left the hall. The students that were left ate faster or just plain left their food except Ron and a host of Slytherin's.

The teachers all seemed to cock an eye brow before Snape went onto his favourite Potter rant. They got up as one and made their way out the hall Dumbledore hoped this would not be a summoning of Eddie, or at least and early summoning of Eddie as he had found out that several Muggleborn and Half bloods were going to see Eddie this weekend.

Outside they were going outside he saw Luna and the twins talking about something, then the twins separated and spoke to several others. There was no sign of Harry (the stud) Potter.

Luna seemed to walk away from the others when all of a sudden a castle illusion appeared around her. Her clothes took on a ethereal look something crossed between a princess and someone who had just run very fast through thorn bushes. Then it started. Music but this time the students and teachers felt something swirl inside them hope need hunger it was as if a fire was being lit inside of them.

An instrument seemed to strum some notes then it got faster and a seemingly banshee like wail started.

"Ooh ooh ooh"

"Ooh ooh ooh woo"

"arr arr arr"

Then Luna seemed to lean against the castle door and the castle was surrounded by dragons and mantacores and a host of other things that seemed to scream danger. Luna seemed to be singing with all her heart those that knew the original would have sworn that Luna was the incarnation of Bonnie Tylor"

All the teacher knew was Luna sounded awesome okay so Flitwick, Lupin, Babbling, well all of them but Tone death Dumbledore and Snape thought she sounded awesome.

"Where have all the good men gone 

And where are all the gods?"

Luna was looking around as she used her back against the door to hold it shut from the invading army of monsters.

"Where's the street-wise Hercules  
To fight the rising odds?  
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?"

At this people looked around so caught up already they looked and felt a tiny bit of despair.

Late at night I toss and turn and dream  
of what I need"

She was looking desperate the doors showed signs of cracks.

"I need a hero  
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night  
He's gotta be strong  
And he's gotta be fast  
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight  
I need a hero  
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light  
He's gotta be sure  
And it's gotta be soon  
And he's gotta be larger than life

The banshee type wails of "ooh ooo ah arr" started again. then

Thunder rumbled then as some looked around for the rain they noticed the thunder getting closer and closer. It sounded like a mixture of thunder and horses galloping.

"Somewhere after midnight  
In my wildest fantasy  
Somewhere just beyond my reach  
There's someone reaching back for me"

A huge ethereal hand appeared in front of Luna a Hand that seemed to glow , but not just a hand a hand that held a single red rose, she reached for the rose and it became real the hand vanished the rose remained.

Flitwick was in his Hawaiian shirt and his head and feet were bouncing in time with the music over the sound of Luna and the creatures he could be heard to say it was newt level stuff and he would need to know who had done what so he could award house points, the ever stoic Minerva was agreeing with him, Snape was saying he needed to know who to doc points from then remembered his bank account and decided to add "for not getting any permission if any was needed."

"Racing on the thunder end rising with the heat  
It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet"

The noise of thunder/ hoof steps was almost upon them, and behind them, from behind Hogwarts came a shining white steed but not any white steed this one appeared to be a unicorn but unlike any they had seen before it was wearing . The magical world being a lot slower than the muggle world knew about horse amour it played a part in its history.

The Unicorn had a **chanfron** to protect its head with its horn bared, the **crinet** was in Gryffindor colours so was the rest that covered it. The **peytrel** for the front chest, **flanchard** side protection and **crupper** for the rear of the horse, Harry himself was in a suit of armour and it had to be Harry no one had such green eyes that seemed to be swirling killing curses mind you the state of the hair and the rather silly glasses were also a large clue, not that anyone would snigger at a knight wearing glasses. Harry held his wand aloft as he charged a lumnos spell making it seem to be a glowing torch or a weapon waiting to discharge.

"I need a hero  
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night  
He's gotta be strong  
And he's gotta be fast  
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight  
I need a hero  
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light  
He's gotta be sure  
And it's gotta be soon  
And he's gotta be larger than life "

As Luna sang the chorus Harry reached the first line of creatures attempting to get to the singing Luna Light shot from his wand his mount stamped and chaos was let loose. In the hearts and minds of nearly everyone they saw a lone warrior fighting to save his women a knight in armour a Merlin a hero.

Dumbledore just saw more plans going down the crapper and Snape just swore he should have done that for his Lilly as this would have topped anything them damn Marauders could have done.

"Up where the mountains meet the heavens above  
Out where the lightning splits the sea"

As she sung that and with Harry's wand lighting up the area the tide of evil creatures seemed to part some form injuries others to get away from what appeared and unstoppable force.

"I would swear that there's someone somewhere  
Watching me "

Luna looked around seeming to notice that the pounding on the door had stopped and looked through an eye slit her face radiating joy.

Then she started to feel it the bloody Dementors Her and Harry and sometimes Professor Lupin had been trying to teach Harry the Patronus after his really, really bad reaction to them and now as she and the others who had put so much into this , it looked like it would be ruined. She took a deep breath as she saw that Her Harry was feeling the effects of them foul creatures. She took another breath, with all the feeling and with all her heart she sang.

"Through the wind end the chill and the rain  
And the storm and the flood  
I can feel his approach  
Like the fire in my blood"

Harry could feel them he could almost hear his mother, He could see Luna he could see them floating coming closer but to get to him they would pass her; they would pass his hope they would pass his Girlfriend the person who told him that when they had passed her in the train she had seen her mother die. These things had made his girl cry they had made her upset and no one and nothing did that with impunity, but he felt week he felt them sapping his emotions his mother's voice came clearer then.

"I need a hero  
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night"

He was a hero he had saved Ginny he had saved the stone he would save Luna she would not cry not on his watch.

"He's gotta be strong  
And he's gotta be fast"

He had fought the strongest dark lord ever twice and won he had out killed an ancient basilisk He was fast he was strong he had a women to protect not some sister of a friend but his women. The cries of his mother that moments before made him feel despair changed his mother loved him she tried to save him Luna was the same.

"And he's gotta be fresh from the fight  
I need a hero"

He held his hand aloft it had came when he needed it before he was the heir he was the hero"

"Sword of Gryffindor" His voice seemed to boom across the area the thunder crashes and the music seemed only secondary to him now and as the students and teachers watched in awe a sword a legendary sword came into being and into the hand of one very, very pissed of looking Harry the stud Potter"

Harry felt the sword touch his hand and not thinking more like acting on emotion and adrenalin he shouted out.

"I have the Power"

In his mind he saw the weak prince Adam become he-man well magic sword and awesome mount and he had to admit he was a bit puny looking but he was on an awesome mount.

Dumbledore stood in shock as Harry said those words and mumbled "the prophecy"

"I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light  
He's gotta be sure" Luna sang hope shining in her eyes along with a healthy amount of love.

Harry seemed to become enshrouded in a silver mist as he shouted out "_Expecto"_

"And it's gotta be soon  
And he's gotta be larger than life "

To Harry's mind that meant his women was in trouble bad trouble. His mind was in a battle of wills his aunt uncle cousin and Snape calling him failure and all sorts of derogatory names was fighting a lone small scared child then as Luna's voice hit him his mother stood beside him his father's image from the mirror of Erised stood beside him, Luna in all her loving glory stood beside him. He was not alone he was not useless he was loved and all of a sudden the stupid ignorant Dursleys were blown away by his love and the love he knew was for him Snape turned into a Snape in a dress from Neville's bogget and Luna and his parents looked at him with love and pride as he had always hoped and imagined they would.

"_Patronum" A huge silver 16 point(er stag shot from the sword of Gryffindor_

_Remus stared and muttered "prongs"_

Dumbledore looked on in amazement a Patronus at 13 the power and without using his wand.

Snape well forget him he was sulking once again. (Wishing he has a mind altering potion or a lemon drop)

The Students watched as their hero cast a Patronus charm and saw in awe as a solid silver stag appeared many felt they were seeing history and made a note to ask Granger on the earliest age anyone had cast a solid Patronus. (Flitwick was wondering what other advanced Charms he might be capable of)

Luna looked on with love and utter devotion. She knew her man knew what those foul things did to her and a part of her mind wondered why the hell the teachers were not helping him.

The stag turned and bowed to Harry then as it and the unicorn seemed to rear up in unison flames shout from it's nose and it's hooves seemed to glow with a blue fire. Harry noticed none of this his mind was on one thing and one thing only "Luna shall not cry"

Mind body and soul in harmony his mouth opened "Charge, For Love honour and Luna"

Most of it was normal but only Harry would add "for Luna" at the end.

The Dementors attracted by so much positive emotion closed in when they felt and accursed Patronus being formed but they were many it was two.

They moved forward and in their empty hearts felt no fear only hunger as the first Dementor met the stag and it felt something new something out of place it felt pain then it felt no more as the stag with a swipe of its formidable antlers severed its head. Harry's mount gored another of the foul creatures its body seemingly encased in the Patronus mist the second fared no better than the first. The third and forth fell to an enraged Harry potter swinging a sword haphazardly and decapitating them more by luck than skill.

For the first time in a thousand years the Dementors felt fear in their evil hearts and dread old memories long suppressed of their creator driven back and their numbers diminished. For the first time in a thousand years their numbers were lessoning and the reason it hit them like a picture of Dimwit err Dumbledore in the shower, (yes that much revulsion and shuddering and hopeless despair that no one would ever wipe their minds)

Recognition of the sword destroying them. The accursed blade the person and the mount were different but a thousand years ago their creator and much of their number had been destroyed by a silver glow and a man with this sword. They turned but even as they turned to flee their numbers shrank as a sweaty and very tired Harry watched them flee the 20 or so was now just 5. He smiled as the stag bowed to him again this time he returned the bow and gave the creature his thanks as the magic holding the Patronus gave away. The Unicorn turned and started to trot then gallop the charms to make its hooves sound like thunder still working harry threw the sword in the air as he called Fawkes to come and collect it. He was to far away for the students to hear him call all they saw was the sword flashing in the air as a burst of flame a sound of victory of love and all things good filled the air. Only those that knew and had heard Phoenix song knew what it was but to the others of no knowledge it was totally awesome and added to the never ending saga of Harry the stud Potter.

Harry leaned to one side his arm outstretched him and Luna had practiced this with a broom. Her arm came up as he passed and she was swung up behind him, she held on as he ran towards the castle her head against his sweaty back then they seemed to be flying and she noticed the shock on the teachers faces as she harry and the unicorn jumped over their heads. The unicorn never stopped running until it reached the front door then as Harry and Luna got of it seemed to bow to Harry and the armour vanished but the unicorn remained.

Harry handed the unicorn a small bag as Luna seemed to explain to the animal how to set it up, he didn't know how she did it but creatures seemed to understand her. The unicorn took of for the forbidden Forrest as it went inside it seemed to snap every one out of the trance. They raced back inside.

Harry smiled as the Head Dimwit asked him how he got a unicorn stallion to let him ride it. (As only girls are able to get near them and few if any ever got to ride on one.)

The fact that it was a stallion made more students gasp.

"Why headmaster we just brought up all the lemon drops we could and gave them to the unicorn herd, it seems they love them, sadly Hogwarts is now out of lemon drops." Dumbledore took a moment for this to register his face went white his eyes went wide sweat broke out on his forehead and then.

Dumbledore had run of screaming "No Sybil's prophecy has came to pass the great Lemon drop drought has begun"

Harry and Luna was gone by the time every one finished marvelling at how fast the Headmaster can run when he wants to and what was under his robes. Was that women's stockings and a garter or was it something even more astounding, whatever it was he was wearing under them most who knew the spell decided mind wipes were a good idea.

Later so many had sworn that they had seen stocking on his legs as he hitched up his robes and ran. That Rita Skeeter of the Daily Prophet had seen this as candy from the gods. She had smiled as she finished her 4th fire whiskey it wouldn't have been so bad if they hadn't kept mentioning them in so much detail. Hell 4 fire whiskeys and she still had a mental image unlike them poor sods that had seen them but she knew that tomorrows prophet would be fun to write.

Before the mass exodus of owls with the letters to parents and news reports to Skeeter , other things happened.

The teachers had rounded on the Weasley twins asking for answers and were soon awarding points for the work done and asking for a written reports from all involved as this would go towards their newts and owls.

Harry and Luna once out of sight gave each other a kiss and cuddle and headed for bed.

Hermione Granger spent the night tossing and turning Harry had saved them from the Dementors not one teacher had helped. The next day she would receive wisdom and words that would change her forever, she would later become known as Mistress Granger and her assets would soon become as famous as she was (read omake for what the advice did)

The Weasley twins watched as their brother took being a pig to new levels and smiled as for the first time in a while they got a letter of congratulations from their family.

Then the Quibbler came and so did more than a few howlers from parents who had been told that Harry had to fight Dementors coming after their children alone.

Dumbledore was sitting in shock not from the howlers not from his bad press in the Quibbler and daily prophet no it seemed he was out of lemon drops and Harry and Luna had brought all the supplies around, and it seemed no deliveries were scheduled for another 2 whole weeks.

His own words came back at him there are worse things than death and now he knows what they are no lemon drops, no gold and no Harry blindly following him. Along with several bills from parents who said their child/children were having nightmares due to him hitching up his robes while running, and what he had displayed.

I would like to thank Slytherin66 for his help even thought he was not keen on this idea, I hope you enjoyed it.


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